The Midnight News 5.14.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 05.14.01

Canucks, Dam, Sperm, 'berg, T, and Board People 

Flaked out? Moi?

Sort of a slow news weekend, so I tagged on a pair of interviews, (not really) and found some possible news/possible rumors. There's Canadian stuff too. Plus, Message Board madness and lots of it. 

HE'S COOL, HE'S COCKY, HE'S BAD! HE'S ALSO A CUB REPORTER

The Honky Tonk Man says that "Rick" Flair is suffering from a serious health problem. Symptoms appear to be a huge loss of weight and memory. He hopes to have more info this week. He also made a crack about Flair's glory days, claiming that perhaps the 80's were too filled of "60 minute man on space mountain" and "where are we partying tonight, Arn?"

The HTM site also asks us not to post entire commentaries, just excerpts. He also asks to be credited. I will assume that later this week, he will ask us not to correct him on the proper spelling of the name "Ric" Flair

Anyway, this'll make him happy.

THAT VAN DAM GOOD!

Rob Van Dam had a sit down with someone from RF Video (who answered my demands and privately thanked me for being a stand up guy. One employee there also sent me an audio of Debra saying the F-word on WWF Smackdown.... at least I HOPE he worked for the site.

Anyway, here are select cuts from the chat...

1) He talked up his meeting with Jim Ross, registered surprise at how "educated" Ross was on the RVD phenom. (Gee, couldn't have anything to do with Ross's new broadcast partner and these various recent WWF hires, COULD IT?)

2) Although no deal has been reached yet, RVD and Ross talked about a lot of possible scenarios that he liked. He and Ross seem to share the same philosophical views on the business. He seemed very excited about the possible future.

3) He ragged on the Internet reporters who try to dog him out and present a twisted view of who he is. He cited Dave Scherer and Bob Ryder specifically. He swears he reads all his e-mail and grants every interview request he gets. (COUGH*noshowedtheEdgetwiceHACK*). His point is that any bad reputation he has on the Internet is from people who don't know him and just make half-assed assumptions.

4) He got into the positive and negative aspects of the Indy scene. He is picky as to who he performs for, but always enjoys the "ECW" atmosphere that most fans at the shows give him when he comes out. He listed some upcoming appearance dates.

That's basically it. Only three main subjects were covered. If you want to check out the full chat, mush over to RF Video and blah blah blah....

THE KILLER B JOB

B. Brian Blair has a book out. You can buy it at Smartenupnow.com. To promote his book, he did a radio show. 

Mostly uninteresting stuff, but a couple of things he said stood out:

1) When he was in the WWF, the "Killer B's" biggest year was when he earned $175.000 for 300 dates. These days, Curtain Jerkers make that much for only 50 dates. This makes the B want to sting someone.

2) He told a great story about Paul Orndorff. See, back in the day, Orndorff never wore underwear, so one day, Blair stuck a pencil up Orndorff's lunch chamber as he was trying to get his pants on. Orndorff chased Blair throughout the Hotel hallway, wear a Maid spotted him running around swinging low. Two days later, Blair found some Orndorff semen all over his hotel pillow case. B. Brian never specified whether or not he changed pillowcases before going to sleep.

3) He also told the story of how Orndorff bit a chunk of Tony Atlas's ear off during a fight. Blair said that Atlas was in the middle of a "'roid rage" at the time. 

Ahh, those crazy, hetero wrestlers.

To access more detailed chunks of this interview, The Torch has it.

NEWS FROM THE HARTS

Luckily, Blake Norton deemed me important enough to get sent his Stampede Wrestling Press Releases. So it gives me something that not everyone has, or at least, not everyone USES.

Mike Modest, the guy who was featured as the WWF Hopeful getting a dark match try-out in the movie Beyond The Mat has signed with Stampede Wrestling to fight Bruce Hart for the North American heavyweight Championship during the company's "Mid-Summer's Nightmare Tour", ironically set to begin at the end of June. Modest is anxious to defeat the thus far undefeated-since-his-return Bruce Hart, which will no doubt propel him into the forefront of the Wrestling industry. (umm... excuse me?)

Norton also reports that Bruce Hart was injured during a recent match. It seems that a stiff lariat left Hart feeling numb on his left side for a few minutes. He was able to recover and finish the match, but experienced lost of balance backstage. 

Hart blamed the injury on Vince McMahon's brother.

I always thought all Lariats were rather "stiff", that Scherer is not exactly a loose writer.

Finally, Norton reported that Chris Daniels and Jim Neidhart were both negotiating with Stampede for work. He teased a possible Hart Foundation re-union with Neidhart and Bruce, or maybe even Bret.

To see what these Stampeders are up to, have fun at their home page

THE SAGA CONTINUES...

Goldberg is reportingly going to stay at home and spend the next three years collecting his near seven million dollar salary from Time Warner. The WWFE reportedly made a much lower offer to him and is sticking hard to it. There doesn't seem to be much hope in these two agreeing on anything.

On the other end, Booker T really wants to be on the first WCW telecast. If he decides to accept the Time Warner buyout, he'll lose around 750 K.

It seems that every day someone is reporting on current WCW big star contracts. Whether they are true or not remains to be seen. These two small items came courtesy of RF Video. Do they sell porn?

BUT, PLUGS

With the speed of a sobered chick racing out the door after waking up in the morning at my place, 411 delivers recaps galore as soon as the shows get off the air. They don't get much faster than this 411 crew, people.

MTV's Sunday Night Heat is posted.

Normally, who would care about Jakked? No one, of course. But this is the show that features Saturn going nuts on some kid, so read the recap and imagine the brutality as described by Danny Birdwell.

Meanwhile, Bryce McNeil's Foot On The Ropes calls for an end to the one company monopoly for it's killing the WWF. He also says that The Simpsons have lost it too. While I agree that the show has depended too much on Homer's antics this season, I'm willing to just call it a bad year and expect them to return to their socio-commentary-in-disguise greatness next year. Plus, how can you not love a show that features Homer chasing Bart with a mace and screaming, "I'll make you GOOD!"?

Then there's Tom Daniels, who thanked whatever God he prays to for the demise of the XFL. Otherwise, his latest Cheap Heat would be about how HHH influences Vince McMahon. Oh, the horror.

And now, just for fun...

ACROSS THE BOARDS

"I have this amazing idea that I don't think anyone has thought of. I think that HHH has a lot of backstage power, and is holding other wrestlers back"

"Yeah, the last thing WCW would ever want to do would be to run a gimmick that implied the use of marijuana."

"I didn't say WCW had a problem with the fact that Van Dam smoked pot. I don't know if they did or not. I said they had a problem with the fact that he was such a high profile advocate and had been very public in that view through his interview with High Times Magazine and with the 4:20 slogan for his merchandise. It's been pointed out that there were examples such as Kronik and Buzzkill and Major Stash that seem to contradict what I said. While it's true that those are good examples, they have nothing to do with the stance WCW (and I'm talking about the Fusient version) was planning to take with a relaunch. Buzzkill and Major Stash had already been dropped before Fusient, and Kronik was off television because of injuries and would very likely have had a makeover when they returned. It was a very real concern. It was becoming increasingly difficult to sell advertising on wrestling programs...not just for WCW shows, but for the WWF too...and the "new" WCW wasn't looking for that kind of baggage." {Bob Ryder}

"HAHA. You're so damn witty, I want to be like you when I grow up. No wait, I don't want to be gay. Nevermind."

"When I was 8 I was told by my teacher that you had tiny parasitic worms lying across your eyelids holding your eyelashes on. I went home that day and cut all my 'lashes off in the hope that the little 'caterpillars' would fall off and die."

"The structure of that sentence has given me a migraine everytime I've tried to read it, legit. Can we get an English major to try and break it down?"

"hey man chaz is the shiet. i liked him since he wuz beaver cleaver that shiet craked me duh f*k up! bring back BEAVER CLEAVER!"

"Thank god for people like Dean Malenko."

"I said 'whatever' meaning 'Ok, doesn't matter'. Excuse me but sometimes I screw with your language. Sorry"

"Did anyone ever notice or wonder why if you're above the mason-dixon line Mike Rotunda becomes Mike Rotundo, and if you're below it's RotundA? Another thing is did you ever notice that most of the fans (I've noticed) that started watching wrestling before 1980 refer to Wahoo as Wahoo McDaniels (plural) and if they started after they refer to him as Wahoo McDaniel?"

"(on recycling old gimmicks) Chyna becomes the target of 'Choppy choppy your pee pee 2001'."

"Most mid carders make me mark out."

"I'll thank God for Kung Pao chicken while I'm at it."

"Me, a wwf mark? Shows what you know, slappy. I'm just as pissy as everyone else about HHH's POLITICAL POWERS! I've never been so livid!"

"Hot damn, that Dean Malenko vs. Jerry Lynn match on heat was the best 4 minute match I've ever seen! Seriously, it was awesome, that one armdrag in the beginning blew my mind..."
"I mean if i was a wrestler and working an angle with Trish or Lita wouldnt you walk around with a continuous boner i mean wearing those tights and 'y' fronts it must be a continous nightmare hanging over the wrestlers heads (excuse the pun). Anyone?"

"Congratulations. I don't normally do boycotts, but you have shown me the light. I'm going to boycott TCW immediately."

"Go be an anus somewhere else."

"when they were supposed to introduce Shockmaster, and he tripped through his entrance and his mask/helmet came off, he staggered up, and tried to put it back on...now that's great television"

"I think Steph has a little weight on her and it makes her a lot nicer looking than most WWF women because it shows she's not made of plastic like many others.. for example, chyna and terri have both obviously had surgery many, many times. Steph is a little plump, but I'd rather have a real plump woman than a fake skinny one."

"The thing that bothered the most out of all the responses were people calling Mick Foley a "whore" and a "leech on the business". Gee, once you stop falling from high places, those fans really turn on you. It's not like Mick Foley ruined his health for our entertainment or anything. A**holes."

"No offense, but how can anyone take Hyatte seriously? For comparison's sake, here's another stupid thing he wrote this week:

Now, HHH may be keeping guys down. There may very well be a glass ceiling. All of this may be true. That's not what makes me sad. It's that no one, not one single Internet Wrestling Personality, board poster, or columnist has looked at this story from any other angle other than what the Torch presented.

Is Hyatte on crack?? Steve Anderson, former PWI writer who now writes for WrestleLine and WOW Magazine (credentials Hyatte will NEVER have, and he knows it), has been telling everyone they're nuts for thinking McMahon handed the reigns of the WWF to anyone, let alone HHH. Anderson has been consistently defending HHH for weeks. So have a lot of others who "don't count" because they're not Hyatte fans. In fact, Hyatte's whole conclusion looks like a direct rip-off of Anderson. He actually believes he's the only one who defended HHH? Like it's original? Like we're supposed to "ooooh" and "aaaah" his stupid AAT column? The column itself is becoming more of a rip-off of the Litterbox. That last AAT was like someone doing a really really bad imitation of Dusty. Midnight news updates?? This guy who once made fun of the idea of "wasting time on the subject of pro wrestling" actually reads all those sites he's quoting from? That's our taxes that are paying for this guy's welfare checks. I hate to think what it says about his "fans" who look up to an overrated dork like this. Hyatte is so big, so tough....whew.. Get f*****g real."

I'd like to deal with this briefly.

A: He pulled a quote out of last week's AAT, the one dealing with Internet Wrestling. So, he takes a part of the essay totally out of context and misinterpreted it solely to make an inane and ridiculous point. A true idiot.

B: There isn't a Wrestleline writer alive who is not my total bitch. The fact that they refuse to say anything controversial and/or thought provoking is why WL even hires them. They frown on boat rockers. No wonder Scaia's their main guy. 

C: As proven, there isn't a thing Dusty does that I don't do better, except for the art of being a scared little girl who keeps changing her story in the face of someone who'll stand up to her. He's got me schooled in that department.

Thank you.

I'm out of here. 

This is Hyatte